#32

When The Duckling Saw Its Shell 

Whenever I breathe it hurts my lungs because the air is so heavy, I felt a throbbing in the pit of my stomach.

My body has gone numb, my ears are ringing so loudly and my eyes are so fogged up like I'm going blind.

Is this what normally happens when you finally reached your limit? Is this how much I can tolerate the abusive emotions I have? I thought I can do better. I've always successfully escaped difficult situations before things get out of hand.

All this time, I endured endlessly to prevent falling into the pit of pain. I thought these feelings will disappear into thin air. 

I thought I'm finally safe in my solitary confinement, but I should have known they won't let me off so easily. 

I can still feel their hands crawling up on my skin, gripping my wrists with an immense force that it left a deep mark. 

The overwhelming anxiety froze my fingertips up to my chest. Suddenly, I can't move an inch. My head is spinning and I want to throw up my insides.

I'm so tired. I feel pathetic. I feel so disgusted with myself. The fact that I can't even see how much I rot whenever I look at the mirror is making me miserable. 

How I wished all of the ugly feelings that I harbor for such a long time could be visible and be seen by a naked eye. 

I want to see it, I want to touch it. I want to peel it off and burn it to ashes. I wonder how crappy I smell, too?

ー侘寂.

(hahahahah hi! gusto ko lang dumaan. kung sino ka man na nagbabasa nito, salamat salamat sana hindi ka nag-cringe lololol peace!)