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#27

Pharisäer


I found myself peering in the deep chasm

The hidden force it mysteriously possesses intensify every second that pass

It's pulling me in, sucking me in. I hesitated

Thinking if I should let myself absorb by it.


One night, I was having the usual nightmares

Covered in sweat, I keep on mumbling random words to calm myself

I subconsciously reached the empty space beside me and 

Held my breath when I realized what I just did

'Habit,' I sighed. The loneliness then came over me. 


I've been convincing myself that I'm better off alone

That it's fine to leave if the people that once bonded are now torn apart

By their own decisions, self-defined love, and sins they can't atone

The bottle I'm holding felt cold in my palm but it sufficed the emptiness I have

I keep drinking and drinking until it feels like I made the right choice.


I often pass by the store we used to dine

Stroll by the routes we used to take

Everywhere I went, anywhere I see

Is all the same but without you and just me. 


This is the consequence that I should know all along

The moment I said 'I love you,' we know it's not the same anymore

We didn't say goodbye, or it's just you who didn't

You left without a word, and the scent I used to love vanished with you.


ー侘寂.

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#64

‘Tigal’ Gigising ng maaga para panoorin ang panibagong araw na magsimula. Walang iniintindi kundi ang mga hubog ng ulap at sarili ko lang. Ang payapa na dito ko lang nakukuha, hinding hindi ko ipagpapalit kailanman. Dahil dito lang nararamdaman na ako lang ang nag-iisa. Ngunit sa isa pang ikot ng langit ay muling mawawala ang liwanag. Babalik na lamang sa munting silid. Titiisin ang dilim pati ang lamig nitong dala. Hanggang sa mangibabaw na ang takot at pagsisisi. Sa tahimik na kwarto ay may tumatakas na impit, at may hindi nakikitang mga kasama. Hahayaan nalang munang magpakalunod at habulin ang hininga. Bago bumangon at pagmasdan ulit ang panibagong araw na magsimula. ー侘寂.
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#61

'consistently inconsistent' Tired of running and chasing While facing the doors that were heavily locked  Which is believed to contain endless joy and peace inside of it I don't know when I could catch it up Those were still miles and miles away from my reach So when I sat down, I quietly told myself that, 'You need a strong heart to easily get back on track after a short rest.' I regret that I took advantage of the belief which often happens in films That no matter what hardship takes place, it will always have a happy ending When I realized all that was just made up I can't help but laugh especially at things  That requires effort and struggle Because deep down, I knew I was still weak I know I still can’t do anything in the end I'm shameless to even whine about everything Without even giving my all when I'm trying. ー侘寂.
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#49

 A Truce with Life and Death I should have known better To seek out death won't solve it all Perhaps it's the most cowardly thing to do But what can I do when everyone else was so far away All this time I stayed ignorant Because that's how I endured all of their lies Sadness, loneliness, anger---these emotions are the only ones I am familiar with But I shouldn't have fell victim to it What good does it make anyway? To settle with a dead heart has always been an easy way to escape Am I really satisfied with just giving it all up Without even knowing what the sun and trees, the ocean, and seas look like?  A resolve started to slowly build up in my heart I can feel the air filling up my lungs I think this is the first time I can finally breathe It almost felt like I returned from the brink of death  I should have done this from the beginning I should have wished for strength and not my demise I just grew tired of being angry all the time From now on I won't run away...
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