exordiri

Wala ako'ng maisip na title pero Kapag hindi nakuha ang inaasahang pag-ibig, tulad ng nakagawian ay ipapasa ang kasalanan at pilit magkukunwari. Hanggang sa siya na ang kusang kumalas at ikaw ay nanatili pa rin na malinis, Binabagabag lamang ng maruming konsensya ngunit kinabukasan din ay babalik sa dating gawi.  ー侘 寂. (masama mang-ghost.)

Kinalimutang Yugto Humihingi ako ng paumanhin sa mga iniwan ko'ng bakas,  pati sa mga bagay na nagpapaalala sa'yo ng ating wakas. Hindi naging maganda ang mga nangyari bago tuldukan ang pinagsamahan,  nanlalamig at nanginginig na inabot sa'yo ang aking kamay upang maayos na magpaalam. Patuloy na umaalingawngaw sa tainga ang lumipas na panahon, ilang puno na rin ang nagsilagas at matiyagang sumibol nang walang oras na sinusunod. Kumportable tayong nakaupo noon sa ilalim ng kadiliman,  natitiis ang malamig na Nobyembre dahil sa kwentuhang umaabot sa sukdulan.  Ngayon ko lang napagtanto na hindi naging mabait sa atin ang naturinang tadhana,  unti-unting tinutunaw ng oras ang munting alaala na ikaw ang nilalaman. Ngayon ay malabo na sa'kin ang nangyari nitong nagdaan,  ngunit sariwa pa rin ang matinding panghihinayang. Palaging hirap makahinga,  mga mata ko'y mariin na nakapikit. May nakapatong na malaking bato sa'king dibdib, at para ba'ng may mga nakatus...

Pluto We've got to go, please forgive my impudence  Everyone's already heading toward tomorrow Loosen your grip and take off of your hands I know this is rude of me but I hope you'd let go Stop clinging, we all need to walk forward The blinding light ahead of us is brimming with hope Do not cover your eyes and let's face it head-on All efforts aren't a waste, even the scars, and tears we shed We've got to go, please find rest in your heart  Everyone's already heading toward their homes.  ー侘 寂.

'bay'-ond the promised the sound of waves crashing onto the shore where the cries from a distant land that traveled  through the vast lone waters, that has gone along the violent storms allowed me to harbor the stories that went on beyond the horizon I'm scared to claim what is considered mine tongue-tied every time I am being asked I can't exactly determine what should befall in these hands, but all I know is that I am far from being content with what I have dance along the beach, sing the songs with calming melodies follow where the clouds flow up in the skies, we just got to keep moving until we reach the boundary I tried hard to keep believing that I have a purpose for being alive even though the sands bury my legs whenever I try to struggle and escape I still need to be calm and remember that I don't wish to stay in just one place help me uncover the path that stretches across the other side of the vague horizon no matter if my body breaks while doing it I will...

When The Duckling Saw Its Shell  Whenever I breathe it hurts my lungs because the air is so heavy, I felt a throbbing in the pit of my stomach. My body has gone numb, my ears are ringing so loudly and my eyes are so fogged up like I'm going blind. Is this what normally happens when you finally reached your limit? Is this how much I can tolerate the abusive emotions I have? I thought I can do better. I've always successfully escaped difficult situations before things get out of hand. All this time, I endured endlessly to prevent falling into the pit of pain. I thought these feelings will disappear into thin air.  I thought I'm finally safe in my solitary confinement, but I should have known they won't let me off so easily.  I can still feel their hands crawling up on my skin, gripping my wrists with an immense force that it left a deep mark.  The overwhelming anxiety froze my fingertips up to my chest. Suddenly, I can't move an inch. My head is spinning and I want to...

  4:30pm alipin ng nararamdaman kahit anong tanggi  kahit anong iwas bibigay pa rin ang mga tuhod manghihina ang kalamnan iiyak kapag masakit o kap ag puno ng hinagpis. alipin pa rin n g sarili nating damdamin hindi na binibigyang pansin ang tumututol na isip apektado s a mga desisyon na akala'y tama sa mga sinukong alaala na pilit kinakalimutan walang takas kapag narinig ang pamilyar na tinig  mula sa pusong hindi na maisasalba walang hangganang pagtitiis sa bulong ng konsensya habang buhay nang alipin sa sariling karimlan. ー侘 寂.

White the subtle  n oise of the  rain and  the scent of wet soil climbed up to my room that it felt like it meant to look after me and put  me at ease. distracted by the sound of a downpour, my mind started to drift. I never felt this calm wrapping myself to the cold. I felt I'm forgiven by the ghosts of the night as my witnesses. collapsed on the damp floor inside the messy bathroom, gripping a strange small bottle until my knuckles turned white is what they'll find once it's over. I doubt anyone could even realize what I'm about to do at this hour. I lowered my gaze and saw my hideous reflection against the wet surface. disheveled black hair that passes both of my shoulder blades, eyes that resemble of dead fish's, white lips with busted skin, a pale complexion caused by anemia, and a body that has been marked by the abundance of sinners and victims.  I hate what I'm seeing. I despise how angry yet vulnerable I appear on the smeared ground. It genuinely makes ...

  Drug Antagonism The candles we lit up are slowly burning out. The days for us are nearing its end. An unstoppable train came fast approaching, with unsteady breaks that made us wonder where we might end up crashing.  One thing is certain. We'll end up in different places. Different path. Different world. Different lives.  And this is the last time that we'll ever get to see our faces.  The bitter-sweet moments we shared would feel like a dream. We'd eventually forget our promises, secrets, and committed sins.  Everything about us would sink deeper into our subconsciousness, locked away in our memories. Prevent it from ever emerging to keep us away from our conflicts. We've done enough. Finally, we will be on our way as if nothing happened. And that's how it should be. It's better this way. Always been.  ー侘寂.

  Chrysalis "How can you not fall in love when you just had a passionate kiss with someone you don't know?" a friend asked, referring to the actors of a popular romance movie that were sharing a passionate kiss in a car. It's an iconic scene. And it's being shown on an old television to where we're spending our day off.     It's an odd topic for a lazy afternoon on a Sunday, while we're enjoying the taste of coffee from a newly opened coffee shop downtown. We could've talked about something common. Like things about our work, or the weather, or even the models of the cars that are passing by outside the window. However, this is uncalled for but harmless. It's not weird either but for some reason, it made me feel things. It sparked my interest rather than our usual small talks.     I took a long sip, my mind started to wander as I reminisce based on what she wants to know. It suddenly felt like I'm carefully picking out the best photo albums...

Pharisäer I found myself peering in the deep chasm The hidden force it mysteriously possesses intensify every second that pass It's pulling me in, sucking me in. I hesitated Thinking if I should let myself absorb by it. One night, I was having the usual nightmares Covered in sweat, I keep on mumbling random words to calm myself I subconsciously reached the empty space beside me and  Held my breath when I realized what I just did 'Habit,' I sighed. The loneliness then came over me.  I've been convincing myself that I'm better off alone That it's fine to leave if the people that once bonded are now torn apart By their own decisions, self-defined love, and sins they can't atone The bottle I'm holding felt cold in my palm but it sufficed the emptiness I have I keep drinking and drinking until it feels like I made the right choice. I often pass by the store we used to dine Stroll by the routes we used to take Everywhere I went, anywhere I see Is all the same ...

Astral Projection   no matter how hard I try no matter how strong my grip is no matter how secured the knot no matter how tight I hold onto I keep slipping away to everything. ー侘寂.