exordiri

'puzzle' I've been searching for someone for a long time. Someone who is like a piece of a puzzle. Because I thought if there is a person who can fit perfectly without even a millimeter gap, Then won't that person fill in what I'm missing? I've always been searching for a piece, But the pieces of the perfectly fitting puzzle were scattered individuals from the start. And puzzle pieces that are jammed together, Those only become distorted and warped.  I wonder what it would feel like to be connected, Even with just the palm of their hand. But people are born without a perfect match, So to continue to become one with someone else and fill the gaps, They continue changing forms by coming together, melting away their imperfections. ー侘寂

'consistently inconsistent' Tired of running and chasing While facing the doors that were heavily locked  Which is believed to contain endless joy and peace inside of it I don't know when I could catch it up Those were still miles and miles away from my reach So when I sat down, I quietly told myself that, 'You need a strong heart to easily get back on track after a short rest.' I regret that I took advantage of the belief which often happens in films That no matter what hardship takes place, it will always have a happy ending When I realized all that was just made up I can't help but laugh especially at things  That requires effort and struggle Because deep down, I knew I was still weak I know I still can’t do anything in the end I'm shameless to even whine about everything Without even giving my all when I'm trying. ー侘寂.

'id' Memories would disappear But some would stay for a lifetime Memories are fun to dwell into So I close my eyes and see my past I will always think that I know this place Where there is a glorious sky with infinite stars Until I'd wake up to the sound of nothing With unbearable loneliness that I've been trying to hide It's those nights when sleep is so fleeting That my mind wanders until the morning comes Just always remind me of the good times I've had 'Cause I want to feel good about myself once in a while. ー侘寂.

'blindfolded' As we move slow We know nothing Where this could lead us It's up to us how we want To meet the end I just know I want to be happy In a place where it's all bright There'll be no limit to how I'd live Just pure freedom with wings to fly A dream that is in progress Don't know how long it would take Or how much courage I should have But I'm set to make it all come in reality I know something's gonna happen Once I begin striding my feet forward. ー侘寂.

'bakas' Hindi ko alam kung kailan nagsimula Na makaramdam ng takot habang tinitignan ka Dahil sa tagal natin na magkakilala Para ba'ng hindi sapat ang mga kaalaman ko sa'yo Upang lubusan na maintindihan ka Hindi ko alam kung bakit Na sa tuwing napapatitig ako sa 'yong mga mata Lumalakas ang pakiramdam ko At sigurado ako na hindi rin magtatagal Ay hindi ka na kailanman makikita pa Tulad ka ng ulan na biglaang bubuhos Sa kalagitnaan ng panahon na tag-init Ito ay mahina at bahagya na parang takot at nahihiya Ngunit kailangan mailabas ang mabigat na bitbit At pagkatapos ay dahan-dahan nang aalis na parang walang nangyari Saglit na maglalakbay sa kawalan hanggang sa Kusang malusaw ang madidilim na ulap mo'ng dala Kaya't saglit na malilimutan nang lahat na umulan pa Dahil siyang pagtirik din muli ng araw sa kalangitan Muling babalik sa dati ang galaw ng mundo At tuluyan nang natuyo ang iniwang bakas ng ulan sa kalsada. ー侘寂.

'finding the common denominator' Why did we meet? Although it's not entirely a bad thing, But I've always thought we're too different. You smoke menthol cigarettes while I hate inhaling even the whiff of it. You wear branded perfume while scented alcohol is enough for me. You don't like sweet things when I make a lot of baked goods. You're always calm and collected, you also speak so little that it makes me nervous. And yet--- you've captured my heart so completely. Learning all about you and the things we have no similarities at all is a task that is very dear to me. Our differences didn't hinder us from getting closer. Piece by piece, little by little, I'm coming to understand you. As an overly selfish person, I think I did my best for doing so. Because if you truly like or love something, you can overcome anything. Based on that, we'll see that even the broken can be fixed. ー侘寂.

"skin & universe" I opened my eyes and saw the gleam from outside trespassing the room A few moments later, I finally pulled back my sanity inside I started the day with the usual, boring routine And it felt like watching the world begin again. My life is always like this I never even had the freedom to look at my surroundings Even though I'm steadily walking the path towards death Despite how close I am to it, I realized maybe I am still a child inside. A child that can't do anything without anyone's permission Who had nothing much to do and lived up to no expectations Whose screams can't be heard because no one listens So I just keep watching my life unfold until something happens. It's kind of tiring, to be stupid and useless all the time To be depending on other things like this Tolerating meaningless bonds with people who clearly don't care about me All of that just to survive as a living speck of nothing in this universe. And as the stars loo...

"Ano sa tingin mo ang pinakaayaw panoorin nang karamihan ngunit 'di pa rin maiwasang pagmasdan?" Kasagutan: Ang pagtakbo ng oras. Ang paglipas ng panahon. Ang pagbabago ng kapiligiran na naaayon sa galaw ng mundo. Itanggi man ng iba, ang pi naka inaayawang tignan ng lahat ay 'yong tanging bagay na may kakayahang sukatin ang hangganan. Marahil sa kadahilanang ayaw natin tanggapin at harapin ang mga bagay na alam natin na unti-unting mawawala. Ikinakahiya natin ang pagiging mahina at alam natin na wala tayong kapangyarihan para kontrolin ang oras. Kaya bilang tao, ang naiwan lamang sa'tin ay isang malaking responsibilidad na bigyan nang halaga ang bawat bagay na alam natin na hindi habambuhay mananatili sa'ting palad. Maraming takot gawin ito dahil wala silang alam kung paano, o kaya'y wala silang tiwala sa sarili na magagawa nila 'yon. Ngunit para sa'kin ay 'wag gawing basehan ang halaga nang isang bagay mula sa pananaw ng iba, dahil ang dapat n...

'at sixes and sevens' I don't know how to say it. Everything around me is painfully quiet. I wonder what you are doing right now. Just tell me if you still want to talk to me somehow. I don't know if I should begin finding my way out. We made promises that we will see each other when time allows. I saw the change maybe because I don't see you every day. I only know you through words but it's enough to make me your prey. I hope you'll look at me someday. I hope you'll search for my warmth along the way. If only this heart had a mouth and could talk. If only our brains could hear each other. Then I won't be making choices if I should stay or stay away. Until I realize I'm alone again. It drives me mad. You drive me mad. I can easily be deceived if you want. You are what matters to me now, whether you like it or not. And I will not sleep again tonight as I wait for your day-long response.  ー侘寂.

Just Where Is It? To wherever you are right now, let me ask you one thing... Have you ever felt like the place that you're in is pushing you away? Like there's this invisible force that wants to chase you out. Either it's a good thing or a bad thing, we don't know for sure. The only certainty is that this isn't the right place for you. How did you even end up there? Is it out of curiosity, or bound by a curse? We are all too naive. In the end, it only got you hurt. The confidence to stay or the courage to leave, which one do you have? Because me, I neither have both. Only fear and anxiety attacks. I just can't blend in to anywhere I go. As time passes by, I learned how to be a mere shadow. Living away from home isn't easy. Where does that home even exist? If only I know, I would've packed my things and went to it without notice. I know it's a pathetic thing to do but the thing is, I'm just very lonely. Well, at least I have this be...