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#54

'at sixes and sevens'


I don't know how to say it.

Everything around me is painfully quiet.

I wonder what you are doing right now.

Just tell me if you still want to talk to me somehow.

I don't know if I should begin finding my way out.

We made promises that we will see each other when time allows.

I saw the change maybe because I don't see you every day.

I only know you through words but it's enough to make me your prey.

I hope you'll look at me someday.

I hope you'll search for my warmth along the way.

If only this heart had a mouth and could talk.

If only our brains could hear each other.

Then I won't be making choices if I should stay or stay away.

Until I realize I'm alone again.

It drives me mad. You drive me mad.

I can easily be deceived if you want.

You are what matters to me now, whether you like it or not.

And I will not sleep again tonight as I wait for your day-long response. 

ー侘寂.

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#64

‘Tigal’ Gigising ng maaga para panoorin ang panibagong araw na magsimula. Walang iniintindi kundi ang mga hubog ng ulap at sarili ko lang. Ang payapa na dito ko lang nakukuha, hinding hindi ko ipagpapalit kailanman. Dahil dito lang nararamdaman na ako lang ang nag-iisa. Ngunit sa isa pang ikot ng langit ay muling mawawala ang liwanag. Babalik na lamang sa munting silid. Titiisin ang dilim pati ang lamig nitong dala. Hanggang sa mangibabaw na ang takot at pagsisisi. Sa tahimik na kwarto ay may tumatakas na impit, at may hindi nakikitang mga kasama. Hahayaan nalang munang magpakalunod at habulin ang hininga. Bago bumangon at pagmasdan ulit ang panibagong araw na magsimula. ー侘寂.
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#61

'consistently inconsistent' Tired of running and chasing While facing the doors that were heavily locked  Which is believed to contain endless joy and peace inside of it I don't know when I could catch it up Those were still miles and miles away from my reach So when I sat down, I quietly told myself that, 'You need a strong heart to easily get back on track after a short rest.' I regret that I took advantage of the belief which often happens in films That no matter what hardship takes place, it will always have a happy ending When I realized all that was just made up I can't help but laugh especially at things  That requires effort and struggle Because deep down, I knew I was still weak I know I still can’t do anything in the end I'm shameless to even whine about everything Without even giving my all when I'm trying. ー侘寂.
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#62

'puzzle' I've been searching for someone for a long time. Someone who is like a piece of a puzzle. Because I thought if there is a person who can fit perfectly without even a millimeter gap, Then won't that person fill in what I'm missing? I've always been searching for a piece, But the pieces of the perfectly fitting puzzle were scattered individuals from the start. And puzzle pieces that are jammed together, Those only become distorted and warped.  I wonder what it would feel like to be connected, Even with just the palm of their hand. But people are born without a perfect match, So to continue to become one with someone else and fill the gaps, They continue changing forms by coming together, melting away their imperfections. ー侘寂
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