#56

"skin & universe"

I opened my eyes and saw the gleam from outside trespassing the room

A few moments later, I finally pulled back my sanity inside

I started the day with the usual, boring routine

And it felt like watching the world begin again.

My life is always like this

I never even had the freedom to look at my surroundings

Even though I'm steadily walking the path towards death

Despite how close I am to it, I realized maybe I am still a child inside.

A child that can't do anything without anyone's permission

Who had nothing much to do and lived up to no expectations

Whose screams can't be heard because no one listens

So I just keep watching my life unfold until something happens.

It's kind of tiring, to be stupid and useless all the time

To be depending on other things like this

Tolerating meaningless bonds with people who clearly don't care about me

All of that just to survive as a living speck of nothing in this universe.

And as the stars looked like little holes in the sky

Peering from above, only to witness how the world does its job

There was me, who still haven't grasped the whole situation with a dumb-looking face

Questioning my worth and capabilities over and over, but I know I can't escape myself.

 As we can't escape the same routine of this world, even in this universe, we strive to learn how to live in it.

And I think that's how we should also do with ourselves. To learn how to live in our skin.

That way, our surroundings, and even the outer space won't really matter.

Because all this time, the life we have isn't about them. It's about you and yourself.

ー侘寂.