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#56

"skin & universe"


I opened my eyes and saw the gleam from outside trespassing the room

A few moments later, I finally pulled back my sanity inside

I started the day with the usual, boring routine

And it felt like watching the world begin again.


My life is always like this

I never even had the freedom to look at my surroundings

Even though I'm steadily walking the path towards death

Despite how close I am to it, I realized maybe I am still a child inside.


A child that can't do anything without anyone's permission

Who had nothing much to do and lived up to no expectations

Whose screams can't be heard because no one listens

So I just keep watching my life unfold until something happens.


It's kind of tiring, to be stupid and useless all the time

To be depending on other things like this

Tolerating meaningless bonds with people who clearly don't care about me

All of that just to survive as a living speck of nothing in this universe.


And as the stars looked like little holes in the sky

Peering from above, only to witness how the world does its job

There was me, who still haven't grasped the whole situation with a dumb-looking face

Questioning my worth and capabilities over and over, but I know I can't escape myself.


 As we can't escape the same routine of this world, even in this universe, we strive to learn how to live in it.

And I think that's how we should also do with ourselves. To learn how to live in our skin.

That way, our surroundings, and even the outer space won't really matter.

Because all this time, the life we have isn't about them. It's about you and yourself.


ー侘寂.

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#64

‘Tigal’ Gigising ng maaga para panoorin ang panibagong araw na magsimula. Walang iniintindi kundi ang mga hubog ng ulap at sarili ko lang. Ang payapa na dito ko lang nakukuha, hinding hindi ko ipagpapalit kailanman. Dahil dito lang nararamdaman na ako lang ang nag-iisa. Ngunit sa isa pang ikot ng langit ay muling mawawala ang liwanag. Babalik na lamang sa munting silid. Titiisin ang dilim pati ang lamig nitong dala. Hanggang sa mangibabaw na ang takot at pagsisisi. Sa tahimik na kwarto ay may tumatakas na impit, at may hindi nakikitang mga kasama. Hahayaan nalang munang magpakalunod at habulin ang hininga. Bago bumangon at pagmasdan ulit ang panibagong araw na magsimula. ー侘寂.
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#61

'consistently inconsistent' Tired of running and chasing While facing the doors that were heavily locked  Which is believed to contain endless joy and peace inside of it I don't know when I could catch it up Those were still miles and miles away from my reach So when I sat down, I quietly told myself that, 'You need a strong heart to easily get back on track after a short rest.' I regret that I took advantage of the belief which often happens in films That no matter what hardship takes place, it will always have a happy ending When I realized all that was just made up I can't help but laugh especially at things  That requires effort and struggle Because deep down, I knew I was still weak I know I still can’t do anything in the end I'm shameless to even whine about everything Without even giving my all when I'm trying. ー侘寂.
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#49

 A Truce with Life and Death I should have known better To seek out death won't solve it all Perhaps it's the most cowardly thing to do But what can I do when everyone else was so far away All this time I stayed ignorant Because that's how I endured all of their lies Sadness, loneliness, anger---these emotions are the only ones I am familiar with But I shouldn't have fell victim to it What good does it make anyway? To settle with a dead heart has always been an easy way to escape Am I really satisfied with just giving it all up Without even knowing what the sun and trees, the ocean, and seas look like?  A resolve started to slowly build up in my heart I can feel the air filling up my lungs I think this is the first time I can finally breathe It almost felt like I returned from the brink of death  I should have done this from the beginning I should have wished for strength and not my demise I just grew tired of being angry all the time From now on I won't run away...
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