exordiri

'in less than an hour' We each can feel a second. We each can feel the time move forward. Time leads us all from our sunset to our sunrise. Like trains on a rail, there's no way to reverse the course. It is constant and fast. Unable for us to even dare to chase. But I want to just live this moment with this cold night. I want to kiss darkness instead of searching for light. The existence of time remained uncertain, As the night extended its arms to warp another timeline. But I didn't choose to stay awake tonight Just to count down the numbers remaining and Imagine what my life next year would be like. I don't want to overthink stuff that is beyond my control. What matters to me most right now is I want to have a toast. I certainly did well hanging, although desperately, onto the thin thread laid out. I don't mind doing it all again in 2021. ー侘寂.

 two bodies, one heart, and a half-hearted I'm a miserable, pathetic, and indecisive human being. In the hopes of concealing that reality, I tried a lot of things so all my mistakes could be forgotten. And I had no idea I'd find consolation in sex, which I chose out of desperation. I met this guy. Tall, average build, pale skin, looks like someone who can be easily fooled because of his kind face and kind personality. He is someone I didn't see coming nor expect to involve himself with me. He's like a gentle breeze that enters through my window in the summer heat. That's why I've been running away from him, scared that I might taint him. But I can't distance myself from him.  So, I've been running in circles. While I'm dreading to know how he feels about me, I can't get his flushed ears and shaky breath out of my mind. My senses have become strangely intensified as I listen to his loud heartbeat and us kissing. I thought I wanna hear more o...

Embracing Gravity Losing the place where I can belong while floating near the clouds, I've always been looking for a place where my feet can land on. And getting bound by you, I've finally got to land on the ground. You smell of home, my love. ー侘寂.

 A Truce with Life and Death I should have known better To seek out death won't solve it all Perhaps it's the most cowardly thing to do But what can I do when everyone else was so far away All this time I stayed ignorant Because that's how I endured all of their lies Sadness, loneliness, anger---these emotions are the only ones I am familiar with But I shouldn't have fell victim to it What good does it make anyway? To settle with a dead heart has always been an easy way to escape Am I really satisfied with just giving it all up Without even knowing what the sun and trees, the ocean, and seas look like?  A resolve started to slowly build up in my heart I can feel the air filling up my lungs I think this is the first time I can finally breathe It almost felt like I returned from the brink of death  I should have done this from the beginning I should have wished for strength and not my demise I just grew tired of being angry all the time From now on I won't run away...

Soul-Search How will you know yourself, If you always link it with others? Can you remember where you came from? Can you still recognize every path you took? Where is the child who once dreamed? Where did you hide him? Did you bury him? The person closest to you is yourself, But even that person is now a stranger to you. What did you do and why did you drive yourself away? Seeking love from others is what drained you and made you exhausted. Know that life isn't always meant to be with somebody, But to find reconciliation with yourself is what you need. ー 侘寂.

Forget Youn't It was supposed to be our first meeting, and yet I was certain I've known you from the moment our eyes met. Familiar scenarios with you then flashed in my mind. The two of us used to walk home while we held hands; You bought me my favorite burger when I fell sick; And I loved it every time I pinch your earlobes because it's squishy. We've done a lot of things, and this is exactly why the hole in my heart that was left by you can't be filled. You wore an iron face and stared at me with those cold eyes, to what seems like a stranger in front of you.  I'm now a person who won't even cross your mind even before and after you sleep. To think that for you to get away from me is what I used to want, I'd be lying if I said I'm glad you finally forget of my existence because this is never fine. But just like what happened to us, this lingering regret will not last.   I'm just content with shrouding myself in those memories. As it is the only...

"Paghilom" Dumating sa punto na ang buwan ang natatanging sandalan, Dito lamang pinapakita ang lahat ng kahinaan at kapaguran. Gumagaan ang loob sa tuwing tinatamaan ng liwanag na Mula sa buwan, unti-unting iniibsan nito ang lamig at manhid sa pusong basag. At sa pag-sapit ng araw ay muling babalik sa reyalidad, Patuloy lamang sa pagtakbo ang oras at hindi ka nito babalikan sakaling ikaw ay maiwan. Bumibigat na ang katawan ngunit kailangan ihakbang ang nangangawit na mga paa Para sa tahanan na nawasak, gagawin ang lahat para maibalik kaya't patuloy pa rin na hihinga.  ー侘 寂. #BangonLuzon