exordiri

'in less than an hour' We each can feel a second. We each can feel the time move forward. Time leads us all from our sunset to our sunrise. Like trains on a rail, there's no way to reverse the course. It is constant and fast. Unable for us to even dare to chase. But I want to just live this moment with this cold night. I want to kiss darkness instead of searching for light. The existence of time remained uncertain, As the night extended its arms to warp another timeline. But I didn't choose to stay awake tonight Just to count down the numbers remaining and Imagine what my life next year would be like. I don't want to overthink stuff that is beyond my control. What matters to me most right now is I want to have a toast. I certainly did well hanging, although desperately, onto the thin thread laid out. I don't mind doing it all again in 2021. ー侘寂.

 two bodies, one heart, and a half-hearted I'm a miserable, pathetic, and indecisive human being. In the hopes of concealing that reality, I tried a lot of things so all my mistakes could be forgotten. And I had no idea I'd find consolation in sex, which I chose out of desperation. I met this guy. Tall, average build, pale skin, looks like someone who can be easily fooled because of his kind face and kind personality. He is someone I didn't see coming nor expect to involve himself with me. He's like a gentle breeze that enters through my window in the summer heat. That's why I've been running away from him, scared that I might taint him. But I can't distance myself from him.  So, I've been running in circles. While I'm dreading to know how he feels about me, I can't get his flushed ears and shaky breath out of my mind. My senses have become strangely intensified as I listen to his loud heartbeat and us kissing. I thought I wanna hear more o...

Embracing Gravity Losing the place where I can belong while floating near the clouds, I've always been looking for a place where my feet can land on. And getting bound by you, I've finally got to land on the ground. You smell of home, my love. ー侘寂.

 A Truce with Life and Death I should have known better To seek out death won't solve it all Perhaps it's the most cowardly thing to do But what can I do when everyone else was so far away All this time I stayed ignorant Because that's how I endured all of their lies Sadness, loneliness, anger---these emotions are the only ones I am familiar with But I shouldn't have fell victim to it What good does it make anyway? To settle with a dead heart has always been an easy way to escape Am I really satisfied with just giving it all up Without even knowing what the sun and trees, the ocean, and seas look like?  A resolve started to slowly build up in my heart I can feel the air filling up my lungs I think this is the first time I can finally breathe It almost felt like I returned from the brink of death  I should have done this from the beginning I should have wished for strength and not my demise I just grew tired of being angry all the time From now on I won't run away...